We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
