Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
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The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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