Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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