So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Randomize
