but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
