Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
