and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Randomize
