If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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