Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sober January is a disaster.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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