dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
