I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
