She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
We need a shit load of segways right now
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
