I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
