I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
