If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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