Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
