I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
