i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
