Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
