i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
