What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
