i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Randomize