Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
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He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
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I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The adults are the big ones right?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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