I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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