I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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