New low: just hacked my moms facebook
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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