New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
