Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
