I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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