Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Are my feet made of real feet?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
