weddingsv make me drug and hornr
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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