you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize