Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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