He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
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