i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
