it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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