the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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