Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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