____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
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