I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
