guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
