Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
