Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
