i need an iv and a liver transplant
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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