My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
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