I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
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I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
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Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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