How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
try to milk me bitch
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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