Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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