Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
