separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
either way he was missing a nipple.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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