I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
