Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
