i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be