opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS