The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
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