Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...