just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?