woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.