Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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