someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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