My hair reeks of homosexuality.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
