I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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