I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize