I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
