i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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